Wow, so much time has passed since the last time I have blogged. I was kind of obsessed with finding a new layout for my blog I kind of forgot to actually write in it!
We have a few medical things coming up soon, Joeys first doctors appointment since his tube was taken out is on tuesday and I have to admit im a little worried. Joey is growing taller but is still at a high of 46 pounds so that makes me a little worried eek.. I hope that the Doctor understands that he is just going to be a small kid. He eats alot and drinks his milk.. Thats all we can do is make him try and eat as he does already on his own.
We had an amazing service on sunday, it was about waiting and how god wants us to wait sometimes not because he wants us to wait for nothing but he wants us to wait because maybe at the point we aren't ready for whatever we may thing we want, for example Jason and I wanted full custody of the kids so bad we would have done anything, I have cried tears that could have filled oceans. So many depressed nights over waiting.... now looking back we were waiting because we weren't ready, we were not ready to accept the three kids on our own, Jason and I had to work on us before we opened our life to three broken kids full time, I didn't see that at that time, I saw that god wasn't listening to me. I saw me questioning god and fighting him.. walking away at time to turn around and find myself closer to him then I would have ever been. Which leads me to the part of my life... INFERTILITY... I find myself wondering why he wants me to wait to have a child, Why would god do such a thing, its wall after wall.. tear after tear.. Its almost like I wasn't ment to have one of my own. I give my life to jasons three kids that are mine don't get me wrong I love them as my own but lets me real they aren't my own.. We have to give them up every other weekend and I am not there mother.. I am April. Not all that bad but still not a mother to them. I wanted to badly to try and have a baby, its all ive even wanted. I see stupid people getting pregnant like its a drink of water then there are those who want to be a mom so bad they would do anything and they get nothing. I FINALLY have insurance and to find out what does it cover.. nothing.. at all until we meet our 6000 dollar deductible... are we kidding.. I mean honestly... 60000. Its like I was punched in the face.. I have to pay for everything out of pocket.. WHY? I would have started this along time ago if I would have known that.. I want to cry,
On the home front things are well.. We got a new fridge and we are almost in the 20's countdown till Disney.. need.. vacation... need family time... need away..
