WELCOME SUMMER!

To start out its been almost 2 weeks of no facebook and I only think about going on it maybe once a day.. It was bad a first ha ha..

It is officially summer now!!!!! We have already been to the beach which was so fun, we spend about four hours there. The water was a whopping 60 degrees burrr!!!!! We had fun playing in the sand and enjoying the sun that is for sure!

I have this week off of work so we have been relaxing around the house, baking, cleaning all the fun stuff you can do only indoors because it has been raining :( Joey and I made banana muffins and bread yesterday he had so much fun, some how we ended up with flour all over the counters.. hmmm ha ha


We have also taken advantage of our little town and all the fun things that it offers. Last summer we were so busy with the wedding and court along with joeys surgery that we hardly stepped foot into town. This summer is different, we have already took advantage of the street performers. I packed a dinner for the kids kelly and I (jason was working late) and we went down town. What a blast! we saw a few magic tricks, music, stilt walking and its all for donations oh we did pay a dollar
for a balloon animal :) What a great way to spend time with the kids and it was almost free!!!!!

We have also taken advantage of our amazing surroundings and went on a few bike rides! Makayla went on a 3 mile bike ride on her own bike! I was very surprised!!!

We also had our last day of school!!! We officially have a kindergartner a 3rd grader and a 5th grader!!!! Holy cow a fifth grader... I am officially TO YOUNG  to have a 5th grader! 

Thats it for now, kids are up and wanting breakfast!

Thinking..

Thinking about deleting my facebook....

I am so interested in digging deeper in God and getting to know him on a deeper level.. If I focus on that as much as I do facebook... imagine what could happen, There is a song that I have fallen in love with that made me think of how much I crave god and what I want to know more about him.. I posted the music video of that song.

Holy spirit..

"Holy spirit you are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atmosphere. Your glory God is what our hearts long for to be over come by your presence Lord"

A Good Mother?

How do you know if your doing enough? How do you become somthing you weren't raised to be? I feel like im the odd one out in my family, in the ways I raise my kids.. my faith the way I am even a mother. I know they say you take alot from your parents in the way you raise your children... what if you don't want to? what if you want a total difference?

My mom and I have a what the word I would call it.. unique? realtionship? We hardly talk and if we do it ends up in a fight about something, I think my anger mainly comes from the way she treats my kids and myself. she holds some of her kids on a pedastol and others way on the bottom of the chain. For example I have three step children thats right they are STEP. We have full custody and I honestly don't even think she could name them. She doesn't care about them. The thing I don't understand is my dad took the 3 of us in and took us as his own. I asked my mom this summer if she could help out with daycare by watching the kids one day a week for me. Her answer was no, she was already watching my 2 sisters other kids.... drama drama drama..

Not My Month..

Once again alot of time has passed and once again I didn't follow my new years resolutions...

Spring break has come and gone, Disney World was everything and more that I thought it was. Funny that I was there years ago and don't remember much, it was like a whole new experience. We stayed for 5 days and the house was beautiful we all had so much fun. Day 1 we went to animal kingdom and it was okay... the kids didn't enjoy it at all but that's okay. Makayla was terrified of the bugs life 3D show, Probably the funniest thing the whole trip ha ha we ended that night with going back to the house and playing in the pool. Day 2 was magic Kingdom and what an amazing day that was! we were there before the park opened till it closed. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. Makayla went to bippity boppity boutique and the boys went to the pirate league. Day three we went to Hollywood studios I think and that was good we had fun. Day four was magic kingdom again to meet the characters and shop more because the last time it rained so all the rides had such short lines thats all we did  that day. Last day was epcot and the food was amazing!

In my personal life I started metformin right before vacation I am up to 850mg three times a day and the side effects were horrible at first but now my body is used to it. My cycles are still off and I just want a normal period, I lost 15 pounds so far so I hope that might help. I feel so alone with the whole trying to convince. I have so many emotions and no one wants to listen. I know it sounds selfish but really.. I have never wanted something so bad and I can't even figure out why its happening or who I can talk to about it. I was really excited last night because I thought I might actually be pregnant and then bam! this morning cramp city.. aunt flow is on her way so that's another month down the drain. I don't know what to do or who to talk to about how down I feel about it. I feel like its my fault like I'm doing something wrong. I added myself to some PCOS groups on facebook and its almost like its a click and I'm not inclucled. I want to give up.. but then I don't because I am just in the beginning.. but then how far do I really want to go.. I feel as low as it can get right now because I wanted it to be this month.. I thought it was going to be this month...

a little bit of everything....

Wow, so much time has passed since the last time I have blogged. I was kind of obsessed with finding a new layout for my blog I kind of forgot to actually write in it!

We have a few medical things coming up soon, Joeys first doctors appointment since his tube was taken out is on tuesday and I have to admit im a little worried. Joey is growing taller but is still at a high of 46 pounds so that makes me a little worried eek.. I hope that the Doctor understands that he is just going to be a small kid. He eats alot and drinks his milk.. Thats all we can do is make him try and eat as he does already on his own.

We had an amazing service on sunday, it was about waiting and how god wants us to wait sometimes not because he wants us to wait for nothing but he wants us to wait because maybe at the point we aren't ready for whatever we may thing we want, for example Jason and I wanted full custody of the kids so bad we would have done anything, I have cried tears that could have filled oceans. So many depressed nights over waiting.... now looking back we were waiting because we weren't ready, we were not ready to accept the three kids on our own, Jason and I had to work on us before we opened our life to three broken kids full time, I didn't see that at that time, I saw that god wasn't listening to me. I saw me questioning god and fighting him.. walking away at time to turn around and find myself closer to him then I would have ever been. Which leads me to the part of my life... INFERTILITY... I find myself wondering why he wants me to wait to have a child, Why would god do such a thing, its wall after wall.. tear after tear.. Its almost like I wasn't ment to have one of my own. I give my life to jasons three kids that are mine don't get me wrong I love them as my own but lets me real they aren't my own.. We have to give them up every other weekend and I am not there mother.. I am April. Not all that bad but still not a mother to them. I wanted to badly to try and have a baby, its all ive even wanted. I see stupid people getting pregnant like its a drink of water then there are those who want to be a mom so bad they would do anything and they get nothing.  I FINALLY have insurance and to find out what does it cover.. nothing.. at all until we meet our 6000 dollar deductible... are we kidding.. I mean honestly... 60000. Its like I was punched in the face.. I have to pay for everything out of pocket.. WHY?  I would have started this along time ago if I would have known that.. I want to cry,


On the home front things are well.. We got a new fridge and we are almost in the 20's countdown till Disney.. need.. vacation... need family time... need away..

Football and... FOOD!

We had a awesome time watching the super bowl, our team one and joey cried because I bet him 2 dollars that my team would win.. Gambling at such a young age.. good or bad..

yes I am the mom that takes a picture of there child crying because there team is loosing..

The snow is still coming down and the windchill is putting the weather at such a cold temp its hard to breath outside, Its so cold recently the kids can't even play outside and when they do.. its only 20 min at a time burr!

Our family is obsessed with Frozen right now here is a sweet video of makayla singing her version of do you want to build a snowman.

We are in the home run till we leave to florida. Six weeks and counting I can't believe it! I am so excited and anxious to go. I am a over planner at heart so I am researching everything to make sure I try my best for everything to come off amazing. I bought the kids pins off ebay so they can trade them while at Disney.. saves money if you buy them off ebay!

Something else I have been thinking about is food and what a addiction it is for me.. I am an emotional eater and I realized this back in high school but once again it is most apparent now. Today for example it took me over a hour to figure out if I was hungry or not. My inner self would tell myself to eat.. eat something its lunch time and my mind would say no.. your not hungry listen to your body.. I heard this explanation on "fat sick and nearly dead" He spoke about how back when cave men were around you would hunt your food.. fun and be active and now a days you are still.. sitting at your desk or sitting at work so you body doesn't need as much calories to run its self. He then grabbed his stomach and shook it and said I could live off this for a while. I have to realize eating isn't something I HAVE to do.. its something I want to do most times. Dont get me wrong I understand I have to eat.. but as much as i do... I think not.. I can't remember the last time I was so hungry I could feel it.. Today I ended up drinking a glass of water and I was full I didn't feel that urge to eat something anymore.

such deep thought I find myself in recently, I am so overly thankful for my life and what god has given to me. What great friendships,relationships, I am overwhelmed with love.. I find myself content with life and I am okay with that.. My life pushes me in ways it should and leaves the areas alone that need to rest if that makes since.

Thats all.. such a long break in time, I will try hard to keep on a normal schedule or writing... who am I kidding.. whats normal!

WELCOME FEBRUARY!

Wow, A month has passed already, This month I would have to say is full of emotions... I am over whelmed with joy, I feel so blessed to have given the life god has chosen for me. I am purely blessed.

The funeral of my grandmother has come and gone, Ive learned even more about her talking to people and listening to the memories. I am more and more proud to know her. She is such a great example of who someone should be and how they should act. SELFLESS. I know myself I could work on that.. I could work on thinking for others and not second guessing myself but I guess ive learned to protect more then to just let myself go and I have learned to step back rather then give all. It was such a... Eye opening, The first funeral I didn't shed a tear, I was first of all confident that she was in heaven and I would see her one day. I also have gotten used to deaths, Yes I miss them but it almost becomes emotionless when it is time to say goodbye. Its a odd feeling that I still am not used too.

On a lighter note it was also joeys 10th birthday and the snow storm of the centery.. 10 days of no school, Joey of course had a horrible snow storm on his birthdy, It happens EVERY year! He has a snow day and it was the same day as the funeral so jason got to come for breakfest with all of us and then we had to send him off to his moms so we could say our last goodbyes to my grandma

 Here are both boys chowing down on some icecream for joeys birthday at IHOP.. icecream at 9am WHY NOT!!!

I really dont think Joey will ever know how much I love him. I can't believe he is 10.. DOUBLE DIGITS I try to hold back but my mind wonders what he will be like.. in 6...10...15 years wow! He is such an amazing boy and has suffered so much in his life I am so happy to see him thriving and enjoying life like a child should! We also has a birthday party this week. We took 17 people to the Griffins hockey game and wow was that.. interesting... VERY busy but the kids will never forget that night.. full with pizza,pop,cupcakes and candy!!!

 Joey and his best friend Adam

On our oops of the year kelly was cooking dinner and our stove stopped working, When I got home I checked the fuse box and nothing was flipped the wrong way so we had thought that the stove died.. We went.. bought a new one and when we plugged it in.. The stove wouldn't turn.. we find out that there is a fuse box in the basement... jason never checked that so we bought a new stove and gave ours away..

GOODBYE OLD.. HELLO NEW!

For any home owner a new updated appliance is a gift from god!!! Love my new oven!!!

Here are some photos from our week or so that I didn't blog..

I went blonde!!!

Some of my scrapbooking pages

The snow was up to my hips.. now its over our cars..

we watched Autumn for the weekend and cought playing in the dog bowl.. who looks more guilty???

Some of the pictures show some of my juices.. still trying out a few..

untill next time.

April