Another enters the gate of heaven

Yesterday I woke up early.. make-up hair and kids ready all on time, I got to work on time and was enjoying my day. Lessons were done... everyone had a pretty good day too. We had a pretty bad snow day day and the weather was horrible... Then I got the phone call no one wants. " Grandma hasn't been breathing for 5 minutes" 20 mins later you get the phone call that she didn't make it. Last night I was shocked at first.. and then the tears were flowing with out me crying if that makes since.. just tears falling... first time in a while I cried myself to sleep. I know she is happy and she is dancing the angels.. She is with her parents and her husband, who wouldn't want that? She is the last grandparent to live.. The only one to see me get married.. now she is gone and we are left to heal, mend and move on.. Its strange to know her house will be gone.. that she will be gone. My kids wont get to know her and share memories like I did. If I could talk to her one more time it would go something like this.

Dear Grandma,

I want to start out by saying how much I love you. I know I wasn't around as much as you wish I could have been but know you were always in my thoughts. I have so many memories of us that I am hanging on with both hands so tight, I don't want to ever let go. I will always remember how you could never use a camera, do you remember how many cameras you went through???? then when digital game around it was a loss cause! I will always remember coming to your house for summer birthdays and holiday through out the years and playing on that HUGE play place. I will remember us sitting on the back deck and just enjoying our time together.I loved how you were so in love with Elvis, He will always and forever hold a special place in my heart because you were so in love with him. Ray brought that up last night minutes after you passed into heavens gates. 

    I am so blessed to have you in my life and that you made it to my wedding. I know it was hard for you but you made it and I will never forget it. I am happy you are in heaven smiling down and you are with Jim, You guys must be so happy to be together again. What it must be like there I will know someday. I just can't say enough how much I will miss you and how much I love you. ... I think you know how much you mean to me... Please if god ever graces me with a baby.. hold it and leave a mark on it.. I know you and everyone else are helping my life form into what it should be. 

Love you more then you know

April

As much as I heart.. im okay.. I have gotten used to people dieing.. I feel like it started to early in my life and hasn't stopped like it should anyway. Its a way of life right? Now its time to put on my face.. wipe the tears and be strong for those around me..

On crazier note.. my sister deleted me on facebook, Will this drama ever end? I am supposed to be the bigger person but I have to put up with a child.. hmm.. My mind is to busy thinking about my grandma to worry about such pitty acts..

untill tomorrow..

April

Soups.. Juices... MORE!

This week I busted open my juicer and went for it, I focused on greens, I stayed with in the spinach,apple,carrot and oranges. I was so amazing how good it tastes. Now I just need to venture out and try more vegetables.. ones I wouldn't normally eat.

This saturday Amber Makayla and I went to paint a pot. Amber and I both made a mug and Makayla made a heart jewelry box. She was so focused during this whole time it was so sweet. I love moments where we can be together and have learn and grow together. Amber really enjoyed spending the day together as well, I think we all needed it after such a crazy week. 2014 hasn't been very nice to her as well.

 I also won a free bow from Bambers Boutique on facebook and this is the one I am getting made fore FREE! My favorite word!

                                                   

Last note is on the family drama... So my sister and brother are having issues.. BIG issues and I got a phone call at 1am from who I know found it wasn't my sister BUT at the time I could have sworn it was. She was crying and saying that her husband didn't love her anymore and then hang up.. I was shocked that was two nights in a row that I was slammed by her family (still thinking it was her at that time). I call my mom to get advice and of course got a horrible response. I just wanted advice and she said "are you sure it wasn't one of your wack job friends) I asked.. like who? she gave a name that I had not spoken to in MONTHS! I did get a attitude because I'm sick of her attacking me. I simply asked a question on what I should do and instead I got attacked. I am sick of being treated like that. ANYTHING I ASK gets a awful response and then the girl who cheats on her husband gets praised???? that's right.. that the drama my sister cheated on her husband and she is getting praised for it.. like its normal.. How is this normal.. instead her husband is treating everyone who knows as if it was our fault.. we made her do it.. I am learning daily still not to trust anyone.. My family is so messed up.... praise the wrong and attach the right? how is this okay? They all act like it doesn't effect everyone around them... IT DOES.. wake up and smell the coffee.. YOUR LIFE.. YOUR CHOICES.. effects your FAMILY as crazy as it is..OH and the best part is the sister who is cheating is also attacking the single mom for beings a whore and not staying home on the weekends... excuse me??? I will never understand why god put me in this family.. I try.. I am pretty darn close to my limits.. one person can only take so much before they dust there hands and move on.. past the crazy.. past the fighting.. on to happiness.. because its hard for a person to realize what they have IF everyone around them are in the negative and fighting all the time and making stupid choices....

On a lighter note. I made an amazing cheese broccoli soup! its was so creamy and amazing even my husband had two bowls... so simple!!!! 

The youtube video for it is here :) cheese broccoli soup

Hope you all had a great week thus far!

April

What I should have been tought...

I have opened this year with a positive note. Lots of people around me have had many things already gone down hill but Ive seen the lighter side of things. Today... It was rough! I lost my keys and you may thing... that's it.. you lost your keys???? Hours on top of looking I still can't find them, we finally ordered a new one and all was well.. I am still stressed about that darn set of keys..

We are also having some family drama along with everything else. I am thinking it is going to end in divorce, (not Jason and I) I really hope not because I love both of them dearly and would hate for it to end like that. I was driving today and was thinking about life and how teachers and or school should have a life lessons course to teach you how to handle emotions like this and other things that happen. I know we have sociology and phycology but nothing helps you find your way through life. I have seen parents turn on there kids and try and kill them or people walking out of marriages after 20+ years. How do you detach yourself from these situations? How do you handle it? same steps as death? You know how they have grieving stages of death well is there grieving stages on your parents turning on you as a adult? The world is so unpredictable its draining. I know I am supposed to think positive and I will I'm sure wake up tomorrow and think positive but right now.. Lots of whys and hows are going on. I think about my past and am thankful for how it has played out but lots of HOW DID I MOVE ON? I had the same boyfriend all through high school and some of collage to find out that he was gay the whole time, HOW.. how are you supposed to figure that out and understand how one person could do that.. string you along for his pleasure.. for his acceptance in this world.. but yet I did understand, I did recover, I did move on.. Its funny that I'm 26 and still trying to figure out what this world is all about..


On the upside I did a little more organizing in my kitchen this time. I cleaned out our junk closet and it looks pretty good! I moved a lot of things around and out..  Threw a lot out as well!!! if I don't need it its gone. Its amazing how fast a house can get disorganized ... I blame it on the fact that I never really purged when I moved in.. so we had stuff given.. kept and added with all of my stuff.. IT GOT A LITTLE CRAZY!



 

 

 

 

 

 

That's all I have so far today, I have literally been looking for my keys all day.. I know tomorrow will be a better day.. off to sleep and wake up to a better day tomorrow!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome 2014! 

This year is full of ME! I am going to work on myself as a whole this year. I am going to work on time for myself. I went through alot last year all good and bad made me grow more each day. We had so many BIG things happen from a custody battle,wedding,deaths all things took time.. energy and stress. This year I am going to set goals for myself. Small goals such as organizing... hobbies.. and family time. 

First thing I am going to work on is infertility. I have known for a while that I was going to have trouble having children but now that I am married we have put full force into it and only ran into brick walls. This is the year that i am going to work on temping,tracking and trying! We want one child and if its not going to happen one way we will find another.

second thing is scrap booking, Jason has three kids and only one has scrapbooks as a baby so I am going to try and keep up with them and I am going to post what ive done on here. I am going to try and do 2 pages a month per kid.

Third I am going to work on organization! My house needs it. I feel like when jasons and I got 50/50 custody we became hoarders and bought everything and kept all the littlest things JUST IN CASE  we may need it.. Well now we are almost a year in full custody and im ready to pitch. I am ready to be organized and clean. No more drawers full of junk or closets filled to the brim with things.. I have started with the kids bathroom,our bathroom,art closet,pantry and all the kitchen drawers and I pitched whatever we didn't need.. any lids that didnt meet the glasses .. whatever it was gone.

fourth I want to do more crafting this year.. home decorations,kids clothes im going to go pinterest crazy!

fifth.. and last better life style... I want to drink better.. eat better and be better! better time with the family and better time with life in general!

So in this blog im going to share with anyone who will read.. share my goals.. and what I have achieved..