December..

Wow, Could it really be.. DECEMBER already?!?, December holds many things for me, It starts every years with life and death, December 1 my grand father passed away last year and I guess you could say you don't know how much you love someone till there gone. My heart has a piece missing and I can feel the pain from it. I miss him dearly and its hard to think back to last year. I can remember a few weeks before this day I was preparing myself for his death, I had the chance to go and see him but as I am I said no and decided to remember him as he was.. now as what he had become. He was very sick and ill and I didn't want that to be the last memory I had of my grandfather. He is/was a great man and I will for always hold a spot in my heart for him as much as it aches..  I can remember almost driving up there because I thought he was going to pass and I decided not to.. instead I stopped on the side of the road and broke down, I needed to do that.. Just be pissed.. be mad.. be sad.. and break down that wall. In my eyes my grandfather was never going to die.. He was always there.. healthy happy and himself, He was always going to be there and he left us.. we were left to pick up our hearts and clean up our mess of loss and sadness. So yesterday was the one year "anniversary" of his passing.. and I think as a family was pushed it aside and he wouldn't let us.. he was all around us that day. he made sure we knew was there. My mom and I were moving stuff around the living room and I came across the dvd of photos of him.. and i couldn't stop staring at it, He was so amazing..  Also, my sister erica had a repair man coming over to fix her water heating and as the man pulls up to the house her daughter (4 years old) yells out.. ITS GRANDPA.. GRANDPA MORRY HE IS HERE and my sister said.. hunny no.. he isn't here and she said yes mom look look he is he came to our house she even ran up to him and hugged him and my sister had to sit her down and tell her that he died.. and to remember he is in heaven.. my niece continued with the fact that no he is here and he just came back from the nursing home because he is better.. now how.. out of all days would she do this.. the one year mark of his death she would see my grandfather.. It almost brought me to tears.. hearing about it.. I miss him dearly More then I ever thought I could miss someone.

now onto the day of life.. My nephew turned 4 yesterday.. he is our miracle child... He was born 4 years ago with all of his intestines out of his body, He was touch and go for a while, it wasn't always perfect but he made a choice to be strong and to make it.. we love him so much and I can't believe it been 4 years.. he is such a big boy! I love him to pieces.

AND NOW