WELCOME SUMMER!

To start out its been almost 2 weeks of no facebook and I only think about going on it maybe once a day.. It was bad a first ha ha..

It is officially summer now!!!!! We have already been to the beach which was so fun, we spend about four hours there. The water was a whopping 60 degrees burrr!!!!! We had fun playing in the sand and enjoying the sun that is for sure!

I have this week off of work so we have been relaxing around the house, baking, cleaning all the fun stuff you can do only indoors because it has been raining :( Joey and I made banana muffins and bread yesterday he had so much fun, some how we ended up with flour all over the counters.. hmmm ha ha


We have also taken advantage of our little town and all the fun things that it offers. Last summer we were so busy with the wedding and court along with joeys surgery that we hardly stepped foot into town. This summer is different, we have already took advantage of the street performers. I packed a dinner for the kids kelly and I (jason was working late) and we went down town. What a blast! we saw a few magic tricks, music, stilt walking and its all for donations oh we did pay a dollar
for a balloon animal :) What a great way to spend time with the kids and it was almost free!!!!!

We have also taken advantage of our amazing surroundings and went on a few bike rides! Makayla went on a 3 mile bike ride on her own bike! I was very surprised!!!

We also had our last day of school!!! We officially have a kindergartner a 3rd grader and a 5th grader!!!! Holy cow a fifth grader... I am officially TO YOUNG  to have a 5th grader! 

Thats it for now, kids are up and wanting breakfast!

Thinking..

Thinking about deleting my facebook....

I am so interested in digging deeper in God and getting to know him on a deeper level.. If I focus on that as much as I do facebook... imagine what could happen, There is a song that I have fallen in love with that made me think of how much I crave god and what I want to know more about him.. I posted the music video of that song.

Holy spirit..

"Holy spirit you are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atmosphere. Your glory God is what our hearts long for to be over come by your presence Lord"

A Good Mother?

How do you know if your doing enough? How do you become somthing you weren't raised to be? I feel like im the odd one out in my family, in the ways I raise my kids.. my faith the way I am even a mother. I know they say you take alot from your parents in the way you raise your children... what if you don't want to? what if you want a total difference?

My mom and I have a what the word I would call it.. unique? realtionship? We hardly talk and if we do it ends up in a fight about something, I think my anger mainly comes from the way she treats my kids and myself. she holds some of her kids on a pedastol and others way on the bottom of the chain. For example I have three step children thats right they are STEP. We have full custody and I honestly don't even think she could name them. She doesn't care about them. The thing I don't understand is my dad took the 3 of us in and took us as his own. I asked my mom this summer if she could help out with daycare by watching the kids one day a week for me. Her answer was no, she was already watching my 2 sisters other kids.... drama drama drama..

Not My Month..

Once again alot of time has passed and once again I didn't follow my new years resolutions...

Spring break has come and gone, Disney World was everything and more that I thought it was. Funny that I was there years ago and don't remember much, it was like a whole new experience. We stayed for 5 days and the house was beautiful we all had so much fun. Day 1 we went to animal kingdom and it was okay... the kids didn't enjoy it at all but that's okay. Makayla was terrified of the bugs life 3D show, Probably the funniest thing the whole trip ha ha we ended that night with going back to the house and playing in the pool. Day 2 was magic Kingdom and what an amazing day that was! we were there before the park opened till it closed. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. Makayla went to bippity boppity boutique and the boys went to the pirate league. Day three we went to Hollywood studios I think and that was good we had fun. Day four was magic kingdom again to meet the characters and shop more because the last time it rained so all the rides had such short lines thats all we did  that day. Last day was epcot and the food was amazing!

In my personal life I started metformin right before vacation I am up to 850mg three times a day and the side effects were horrible at first but now my body is used to it. My cycles are still off and I just want a normal period, I lost 15 pounds so far so I hope that might help. I feel so alone with the whole trying to convince. I have so many emotions and no one wants to listen. I know it sounds selfish but really.. I have never wanted something so bad and I can't even figure out why its happening or who I can talk to about it. I was really excited last night because I thought I might actually be pregnant and then bam! this morning cramp city.. aunt flow is on her way so that's another month down the drain. I don't know what to do or who to talk to about how down I feel about it. I feel like its my fault like I'm doing something wrong. I added myself to some PCOS groups on facebook and its almost like its a click and I'm not inclucled. I want to give up.. but then I don't because I am just in the beginning.. but then how far do I really want to go.. I feel as low as it can get right now because I wanted it to be this month.. I thought it was going to be this month...

a little bit of everything....

Wow, so much time has passed since the last time I have blogged. I was kind of obsessed with finding a new layout for my blog I kind of forgot to actually write in it!

We have a few medical things coming up soon, Joeys first doctors appointment since his tube was taken out is on tuesday and I have to admit im a little worried. Joey is growing taller but is still at a high of 46 pounds so that makes me a little worried eek.. I hope that the Doctor understands that he is just going to be a small kid. He eats alot and drinks his milk.. Thats all we can do is make him try and eat as he does already on his own.

We had an amazing service on sunday, it was about waiting and how god wants us to wait sometimes not because he wants us to wait for nothing but he wants us to wait because maybe at the point we aren't ready for whatever we may thing we want, for example Jason and I wanted full custody of the kids so bad we would have done anything, I have cried tears that could have filled oceans. So many depressed nights over waiting.... now looking back we were waiting because we weren't ready, we were not ready to accept the three kids on our own, Jason and I had to work on us before we opened our life to three broken kids full time, I didn't see that at that time, I saw that god wasn't listening to me. I saw me questioning god and fighting him.. walking away at time to turn around and find myself closer to him then I would have ever been. Which leads me to the part of my life... INFERTILITY... I find myself wondering why he wants me to wait to have a child, Why would god do such a thing, its wall after wall.. tear after tear.. Its almost like I wasn't ment to have one of my own. I give my life to jasons three kids that are mine don't get me wrong I love them as my own but lets me real they aren't my own.. We have to give them up every other weekend and I am not there mother.. I am April. Not all that bad but still not a mother to them. I wanted to badly to try and have a baby, its all ive even wanted. I see stupid people getting pregnant like its a drink of water then there are those who want to be a mom so bad they would do anything and they get nothing.  I FINALLY have insurance and to find out what does it cover.. nothing.. at all until we meet our 6000 dollar deductible... are we kidding.. I mean honestly... 60000. Its like I was punched in the face.. I have to pay for everything out of pocket.. WHY?  I would have started this along time ago if I would have known that.. I want to cry,


On the home front things are well.. We got a new fridge and we are almost in the 20's countdown till Disney.. need.. vacation... need family time... need away..

Football and... FOOD!

We had a awesome time watching the super bowl, our team one and joey cried because I bet him 2 dollars that my team would win.. Gambling at such a young age.. good or bad..

yes I am the mom that takes a picture of there child crying because there team is loosing..

The snow is still coming down and the windchill is putting the weather at such a cold temp its hard to breath outside, Its so cold recently the kids can't even play outside and when they do.. its only 20 min at a time burr!

Our family is obsessed with Frozen right now here is a sweet video of makayla singing her version of do you want to build a snowman.

We are in the home run till we leave to florida. Six weeks and counting I can't believe it! I am so excited and anxious to go. I am a over planner at heart so I am researching everything to make sure I try my best for everything to come off amazing. I bought the kids pins off ebay so they can trade them while at Disney.. saves money if you buy them off ebay!

Something else I have been thinking about is food and what a addiction it is for me.. I am an emotional eater and I realized this back in high school but once again it is most apparent now. Today for example it took me over a hour to figure out if I was hungry or not. My inner self would tell myself to eat.. eat something its lunch time and my mind would say no.. your not hungry listen to your body.. I heard this explanation on "fat sick and nearly dead" He spoke about how back when cave men were around you would hunt your food.. fun and be active and now a days you are still.. sitting at your desk or sitting at work so you body doesn't need as much calories to run its self. He then grabbed his stomach and shook it and said I could live off this for a while. I have to realize eating isn't something I HAVE to do.. its something I want to do most times. Dont get me wrong I understand I have to eat.. but as much as i do... I think not.. I can't remember the last time I was so hungry I could feel it.. Today I ended up drinking a glass of water and I was full I didn't feel that urge to eat something anymore.

such deep thought I find myself in recently, I am so overly thankful for my life and what god has given to me. What great friendships,relationships, I am overwhelmed with love.. I find myself content with life and I am okay with that.. My life pushes me in ways it should and leaves the areas alone that need to rest if that makes since.

Thats all.. such a long break in time, I will try hard to keep on a normal schedule or writing... who am I kidding.. whats normal!

WELCOME FEBRUARY!

Wow, A month has passed already, This month I would have to say is full of emotions... I am over whelmed with joy, I feel so blessed to have given the life god has chosen for me. I am purely blessed.

The funeral of my grandmother has come and gone, Ive learned even more about her talking to people and listening to the memories. I am more and more proud to know her. She is such a great example of who someone should be and how they should act. SELFLESS. I know myself I could work on that.. I could work on thinking for others and not second guessing myself but I guess ive learned to protect more then to just let myself go and I have learned to step back rather then give all. It was such a... Eye opening, The first funeral I didn't shed a tear, I was first of all confident that she was in heaven and I would see her one day. I also have gotten used to deaths, Yes I miss them but it almost becomes emotionless when it is time to say goodbye. Its a odd feeling that I still am not used too.

On a lighter note it was also joeys 10th birthday and the snow storm of the centery.. 10 days of no school, Joey of course had a horrible snow storm on his birthdy, It happens EVERY year! He has a snow day and it was the same day as the funeral so jason got to come for breakfest with all of us and then we had to send him off to his moms so we could say our last goodbyes to my grandma

 Here are both boys chowing down on some icecream for joeys birthday at IHOP.. icecream at 9am WHY NOT!!!

I really dont think Joey will ever know how much I love him. I can't believe he is 10.. DOUBLE DIGITS I try to hold back but my mind wonders what he will be like.. in 6...10...15 years wow! He is such an amazing boy and has suffered so much in his life I am so happy to see him thriving and enjoying life like a child should! We also has a birthday party this week. We took 17 people to the Griffins hockey game and wow was that.. interesting... VERY busy but the kids will never forget that night.. full with pizza,pop,cupcakes and candy!!!

 Joey and his best friend Adam

On our oops of the year kelly was cooking dinner and our stove stopped working, When I got home I checked the fuse box and nothing was flipped the wrong way so we had thought that the stove died.. We went.. bought a new one and when we plugged it in.. The stove wouldn't turn.. we find out that there is a fuse box in the basement... jason never checked that so we bought a new stove and gave ours away..

GOODBYE OLD.. HELLO NEW!

For any home owner a new updated appliance is a gift from god!!! Love my new oven!!!

Here are some photos from our week or so that I didn't blog..

I went blonde!!!

Some of my scrapbooking pages

The snow was up to my hips.. now its over our cars..

we watched Autumn for the weekend and cought playing in the dog bowl.. who looks more guilty???

Some of the pictures show some of my juices.. still trying out a few..

untill next time.

April

Another enters the gate of heaven

Yesterday I woke up early.. make-up hair and kids ready all on time, I got to work on time and was enjoying my day. Lessons were done... everyone had a pretty good day too. We had a pretty bad snow day day and the weather was horrible... Then I got the phone call no one wants. " Grandma hasn't been breathing for 5 minutes" 20 mins later you get the phone call that she didn't make it. Last night I was shocked at first.. and then the tears were flowing with out me crying if that makes since.. just tears falling... first time in a while I cried myself to sleep. I know she is happy and she is dancing the angels.. She is with her parents and her husband, who wouldn't want that? She is the last grandparent to live.. The only one to see me get married.. now she is gone and we are left to heal, mend and move on.. Its strange to know her house will be gone.. that she will be gone. My kids wont get to know her and share memories like I did. If I could talk to her one more time it would go something like this.

Dear Grandma,

I want to start out by saying how much I love you. I know I wasn't around as much as you wish I could have been but know you were always in my thoughts. I have so many memories of us that I am hanging on with both hands so tight, I don't want to ever let go. I will always remember how you could never use a camera, do you remember how many cameras you went through???? then when digital game around it was a loss cause! I will always remember coming to your house for summer birthdays and holiday through out the years and playing on that HUGE play place. I will remember us sitting on the back deck and just enjoying our time together.I loved how you were so in love with Elvis, He will always and forever hold a special place in my heart because you were so in love with him. Ray brought that up last night minutes after you passed into heavens gates. 

    I am so blessed to have you in my life and that you made it to my wedding. I know it was hard for you but you made it and I will never forget it. I am happy you are in heaven smiling down and you are with Jim, You guys must be so happy to be together again. What it must be like there I will know someday. I just can't say enough how much I will miss you and how much I love you. ... I think you know how much you mean to me... Please if god ever graces me with a baby.. hold it and leave a mark on it.. I know you and everyone else are helping my life form into what it should be. 

Love you more then you know

April

As much as I heart.. im okay.. I have gotten used to people dieing.. I feel like it started to early in my life and hasn't stopped like it should anyway. Its a way of life right? Now its time to put on my face.. wipe the tears and be strong for those around me..

On crazier note.. my sister deleted me on facebook, Will this drama ever end? I am supposed to be the bigger person but I have to put up with a child.. hmm.. My mind is to busy thinking about my grandma to worry about such pitty acts..

untill tomorrow..

April

Soups.. Juices... MORE!

This week I busted open my juicer and went for it, I focused on greens, I stayed with in the spinach,apple,carrot and oranges. I was so amazing how good it tastes. Now I just need to venture out and try more vegetables.. ones I wouldn't normally eat.

This saturday Amber Makayla and I went to paint a pot. Amber and I both made a mug and Makayla made a heart jewelry box. She was so focused during this whole time it was so sweet. I love moments where we can be together and have learn and grow together. Amber really enjoyed spending the day together as well, I think we all needed it after such a crazy week. 2014 hasn't been very nice to her as well.

 I also won a free bow from Bambers Boutique on facebook and this is the one I am getting made fore FREE! My favorite word!

                                                   

Last note is on the family drama... So my sister and brother are having issues.. BIG issues and I got a phone call at 1am from who I know found it wasn't my sister BUT at the time I could have sworn it was. She was crying and saying that her husband didn't love her anymore and then hang up.. I was shocked that was two nights in a row that I was slammed by her family (still thinking it was her at that time). I call my mom to get advice and of course got a horrible response. I just wanted advice and she said "are you sure it wasn't one of your wack job friends) I asked.. like who? she gave a name that I had not spoken to in MONTHS! I did get a attitude because I'm sick of her attacking me. I simply asked a question on what I should do and instead I got attacked. I am sick of being treated like that. ANYTHING I ASK gets a awful response and then the girl who cheats on her husband gets praised???? that's right.. that the drama my sister cheated on her husband and she is getting praised for it.. like its normal.. How is this normal.. instead her husband is treating everyone who knows as if it was our fault.. we made her do it.. I am learning daily still not to trust anyone.. My family is so messed up.... praise the wrong and attach the right? how is this okay? They all act like it doesn't effect everyone around them... IT DOES.. wake up and smell the coffee.. YOUR LIFE.. YOUR CHOICES.. effects your FAMILY as crazy as it is..OH and the best part is the sister who is cheating is also attacking the single mom for beings a whore and not staying home on the weekends... excuse me??? I will never understand why god put me in this family.. I try.. I am pretty darn close to my limits.. one person can only take so much before they dust there hands and move on.. past the crazy.. past the fighting.. on to happiness.. because its hard for a person to realize what they have IF everyone around them are in the negative and fighting all the time and making stupid choices....

On a lighter note. I made an amazing cheese broccoli soup! its was so creamy and amazing even my husband had two bowls... so simple!!!! 

The youtube video for it is here :) cheese broccoli soup

Hope you all had a great week thus far!

April

What I should have been tought...

I have opened this year with a positive note. Lots of people around me have had many things already gone down hill but Ive seen the lighter side of things. Today... It was rough! I lost my keys and you may thing... that's it.. you lost your keys???? Hours on top of looking I still can't find them, we finally ordered a new one and all was well.. I am still stressed about that darn set of keys..

We are also having some family drama along with everything else. I am thinking it is going to end in divorce, (not Jason and I) I really hope not because I love both of them dearly and would hate for it to end like that. I was driving today and was thinking about life and how teachers and or school should have a life lessons course to teach you how to handle emotions like this and other things that happen. I know we have sociology and phycology but nothing helps you find your way through life. I have seen parents turn on there kids and try and kill them or people walking out of marriages after 20+ years. How do you detach yourself from these situations? How do you handle it? same steps as death? You know how they have grieving stages of death well is there grieving stages on your parents turning on you as a adult? The world is so unpredictable its draining. I know I am supposed to think positive and I will I'm sure wake up tomorrow and think positive but right now.. Lots of whys and hows are going on. I think about my past and am thankful for how it has played out but lots of HOW DID I MOVE ON? I had the same boyfriend all through high school and some of collage to find out that he was gay the whole time, HOW.. how are you supposed to figure that out and understand how one person could do that.. string you along for his pleasure.. for his acceptance in this world.. but yet I did understand, I did recover, I did move on.. Its funny that I'm 26 and still trying to figure out what this world is all about..


On the upside I did a little more organizing in my kitchen this time. I cleaned out our junk closet and it looks pretty good! I moved a lot of things around and out..  Threw a lot out as well!!! if I don't need it its gone. Its amazing how fast a house can get disorganized ... I blame it on the fact that I never really purged when I moved in.. so we had stuff given.. kept and added with all of my stuff.. IT GOT A LITTLE CRAZY!



 

 

 

 

 

 

That's all I have so far today, I have literally been looking for my keys all day.. I know tomorrow will be a better day.. off to sleep and wake up to a better day tomorrow!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome 2014! 

This year is full of ME! I am going to work on myself as a whole this year. I am going to work on time for myself. I went through alot last year all good and bad made me grow more each day. We had so many BIG things happen from a custody battle,wedding,deaths all things took time.. energy and stress. This year I am going to set goals for myself. Small goals such as organizing... hobbies.. and family time. 

First thing I am going to work on is infertility. I have known for a while that I was going to have trouble having children but now that I am married we have put full force into it and only ran into brick walls. This is the year that i am going to work on temping,tracking and trying! We want one child and if its not going to happen one way we will find another.

second thing is scrap booking, Jason has three kids and only one has scrapbooks as a baby so I am going to try and keep up with them and I am going to post what ive done on here. I am going to try and do 2 pages a month per kid.

Third I am going to work on organization! My house needs it. I feel like when jasons and I got 50/50 custody we became hoarders and bought everything and kept all the littlest things JUST IN CASE  we may need it.. Well now we are almost a year in full custody and im ready to pitch. I am ready to be organized and clean. No more drawers full of junk or closets filled to the brim with things.. I have started with the kids bathroom,our bathroom,art closet,pantry and all the kitchen drawers and I pitched whatever we didn't need.. any lids that didnt meet the glasses .. whatever it was gone.

fourth I want to do more crafting this year.. home decorations,kids clothes im going to go pinterest crazy!

fifth.. and last better life style... I want to drink better.. eat better and be better! better time with the family and better time with life in general!

So in this blog im going to share with anyone who will read.. share my goals.. and what I have achieved..